Potty training: what age is ready? Watch your child, not the neighbor's

Once your child reaches 18 months, the questions start coming: “Still in diapers?”, “In my day they were out of diapers at 1,” “The neighbor’s kid already uses the potty.” It’s hard not to rush, right? Especially when you’d love to save on diapers anyway.

But this is one area where “wait until they’re ready” clearly works better than “hurry up”. Let’s go through how to spot readiness, how to start, and what not to do.

1. What age is a child ready to start?

Quick Answer: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says most children’s bodies are ready to control pee and poo around 18 to 24 months, training starts on average between 2 and 3, and most are trained by 4.

That’s a wide range, up to a year apart, and it says nothing about who’s smarter. It’s just that bladder and bowel muscles, understanding of language, and the wish to do things alone develop at different speeds in different children.

The AAP says waiting until your child is truly ready makes training faster and more pleasant for everyone at home. The pediatrics department at Siriraj Hospital also advises going mainly by your child’s readiness.

2. 7 signs your child is ready

Quick Answer: Staying dry for about 2 hours, showing signs before going, following simple instructions, walking to the bathroom and pulling pants down, disliking wet diapers, asking for the toilet, and wanting big-kid underwear.

1. Dry for longer: the diaper stays dry for about 2 hours, or is still dry after a nap
2. Signs before going: grunting, red face, going still, squatting, or hiding behind the sofa
3. Follows simple instructions, like “Go get the potty”
4. Walks to the bathroom alone and helps pull pants down
5. Dislikes being wet: tugs at the diaper or comes to ask for a change
6. Interested in the bathroom: follows parents in, wants to come along
7. Wants big-kid underwear with a favorite cartoon print

They don’t need every one. If you see several together, you can give it a go. We’ve put them in a checklist at the top so you can tick them off.

3. Why shouldn’t we compare with the neighbor’s child?

Quick Answer: Because readiness depends on each child’s own development. Rushing before your child is ready often makes training take longer, stresses the whole household, and some children hold in their poo until they’re constipated.

There’s some truth in “in my day they were out of diapers at 1”. But often it was because adults took the child to pee on a schedule, so really the adults were trained more than the child was controlling it themselves. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just different from your child feeling the urge and telling you.

Try answering the elders at home gently: “The doctor said to wait for signs from the little one first, and once they’re ready it’ll go quickly. Can you help me watch for them, Mom?” Now you’ve got another helper. To check whether your child’s other skills are on track for their age, see 2-year-old milestones: the pink book checklist.

4. How to start, step by step

Quick Answer: Teach words for pee and poo, help your child get used to the potty, invite them to sit at regular times like after waking and after meals, praise every try, and gradually switch to regular pants.

Steps that work for many families (adapted from Siriraj and AAP advice):

1. Choose words, like “pee” and “poo”, and use the same ones everywhere, at home and at nursery.
2. Get to know the potty. Let your child help pick the potty and pants, and sit on it fully dressed for fun.
3. Sit at set times: after waking, after eating or drinking milk, before bath, before bed. Keep it short.
4. Watch for signals. If you see your child pushing or going still, ask, “Need a poo? Let’s go to the potty.”
5. Praise every time, even just for sitting without doing anything. Stickers can help.
6. Switch to pants once it’s working more often. In hot weather, thin pants at home make practice easier.
7. Teach handwashing after every bathroom trip.

Siriraj also advises not using super-absorbent diapers during training, because your child won’t feel wet, and making sure your child drinks enough water, eats fiber-rich fruit and veg, and doesn’t drink too much milk, because lots of milk slows the bowels and makes poo training harder. For how much milk is right, read Can my 1 year old switch straight to carton milk?

5. What not to do during training

Quick Answer: Don’t scold, punish or tease after accidents, don’t make them sit for a long time, and don’t let them hold pee or poo for long.

• Don’t scold or get frustrated over accidents. Siriraj stresses this one, because children get scared and start hiding to go.
• Don’t force long sits. Short and frequent beats twenty minutes ending in tears.
• Don’t let them hold it. Holding for a long time risks constipation and urinary infections.
• Don’t expect success every time. Accidents early on are completely normal.
• Don’t train during a hectic time, like a new sibling, a house move or just starting nursery. Let your child settle first.

If you’ve tried for two or three weeks and your child strongly resists or cries every time they see the potty, take a break. Wait a month and try again. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

6. Do night diapers need to go at the same time as daytime?

Quick Answer: No. Many children manage daytime first and still need a diaper at night for a while.

Try going without at night once the diaper is dry in the morning several days in a row. During that time, have your child pee before bed, put a waterproof sheet on the mattress, and be ready for some nights of changing sheets. If your child is older and still wets the bed often enough to worry you, talk to a doctor.

7. When should we see a doctor?

Quick Answer: If your child has pain or stinging when peeing, blood in their pee, constipation that hurts, frequent accidents again for no reason after being trained, or still can’t control daytime toileting at 4, take them to a doctor.

Book a doctor’s visit if your child:

• Cries with pain or stinging, or strains for a long time when peeing, pees unusually often, or has unusually strong-smelling pee
• Has hard, lumpy poo, pain when pooping, blood on the poo, or holds it in for days
• Was trained well but is having frequent accidents again with nothing having changed
• Is 4 and still can’t control daytime toileting
• Has delays in other areas of development too

Go to hospital now if your child has a high fever with pain when peeing, bad tummy pain, vomiting, or seems drowsy.

Potty training takes patience from both mom and child. The first time your child runs up shouting “Mommy, pee!” in time, it’ll feel better than a bonus at work. For the bigger picture on this age, see Raising a 1 to 3 year old: the complete guide.