Baby cries hard every evening at the same time? What colic is and what really helps

Every day around 6 p.m., your baby starts crying, and keeps crying no matter how you try to soothe them. You’ve fed them, changed the diaper, walked around the house with them until your arms ache, and they’re still crying. Family members start asking, “Is your milk not enough?” or “Is the baby seeing something?” and you quietly start blaming yourself.

Let us say this up front: if your baby is healthy, feeding well and growing well, but cries hard at the same time every day, this may be colic. It’s very common, it isn’t caused by anything you did wrong, and it really does pass.

What is colic, and how is it different from ordinary crying?

Quick Answer: Colic is when a healthy baby cries much more than usual. The usual guide is crying more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, for at least 1 week.

All babies cry, because it’s the only way they can tell us things. But with colic, it usually looks like this:

• Crying hard from afternoon to evening, often at the same time
• Crying that’s hard to soothe, even when they’re full and the diaper is dry
• Clenched fists, red face, knees pulled up to the tummy, or an arched back
• May seem gassy and pass wind often
• Outside the crying spells, your baby seems normal: feeding, sleeping and growing on track

The AAP says colic affects about 1 in 5 babies, often starts around weeks 2 to 4, and crying peaks at about 6 weeks. In the old days Thai people called it “the three-month crying baby,” which matches exactly when it usually gets better.

What causes colic? Did I do something wrong?

Quick Answer: Nobody knows the exact cause yet, and it isn’t caused by parenting the wrong way.

There are several theories, such as a digestive system that isn’t fully developed, gas, or some babies being more sensitive to light, color and sound around them than others. The Faculty of Medicine at Siriraj Hospital also mentions gas and swallowing air while feeding as one factor.

As for the belief some elders mention, that the baby cries because they “see something invisible” or because of “Mae Sue” (แม่ซื้อ, a guardian spirit of babies in Thai folk belief), Phyathai Hospital explains that these are unrelated. You can accept your elders’ good intentions, but you don’t have to carry the guilt.

What can I do when my baby cries?

Quick Answer: No method stops colic instantly, but holding your baby close, gentle rocking, white noise and burping after feeds can help calm them a bit. Try one thing at a time.

Try mixing the methods the NHS and AAP recommend:

• Hold your baby against your chest and walk slowly, or use a carrier in the correct position. Your baby gets both movement and your body warmth.
• Rock or sway gently in a steady rhythm
• White noise: a fan, a vacuum cleaner, or a soft “shhh” sound
• Hold your baby upright while feeding, and burp them after every feed
• A warm bath to help your baby relax
• A pacifier, for some babies
• Lay your baby tummy-down across your lap and gently rub their back while they’re awake and you’re watching (not as a sleep position)
• Reduce stimulation: dim the lights, turn down the TV, and avoid passing your baby between lots of people

Things that don’t yet have evidence that they work, according to the NHS, are colic drops, herbal remedies and probiotics. If you really want to try them, ask a doctor or pharmacist first, and never give a baby herbal water or balm when you don’t know what’s in it.

As for the mother’s diet, the NHS recommends feeding as usual, with no need to rush to cut anything out on your own. If you suspect a certain food is involved, talk to your doctor first.

Never shake your baby, no matter how tired you are

Quick Answer: Shaking a baby, even for just a few seconds, can cause serious brain injury or death. The AAP stresses that a baby should never be shaken.

We’re not writing this because we think you’d hurt your baby. It’s because hours of non-stop crying on days with too little sleep can push any good person to their limit. Knowing in advance “what to do if I reach that point” protects both your baby and you.

Backup plan for when you feel you can’t cope

1. Lay your baby on their back in a safe crib or bed, with no pillows, blankets or soft toys
2. Step out of the room for a moment. The AAP says this is okay. A few more minutes of crying in a safe place won’t harm your baby.
3. Breathe slowly, drink some water, wash your face
4. Call someone: your husband, your mother, a friend, or a nurse at the hospital where you gave birth
5. Go back to your baby once you’ve calmed down

Make sure everyone who helps look after your baby, including dad, grandparents or a nanny, knows this too.

How do I look after myself during this time?

Quick Answer: Take turns caring for the baby, ask for help early, and remember that colic is a phase that ends.

• Take shifts in the evening. If you know your baby cries hard from about 6 to 10 p.m., agree in advance with your family who covers which part.
• Get out of the house for a while. The AAP suggests that when you’re very stressed, you let a family member watch the baby and go outside for a bit, even just a walk around the neighborhood.
• Sleep when your baby sleeps if you can, at least once a day.
• You don’t have to act on every piece of advice. Many relatives mean well, but you can choose what to listen to.
• Notice how you’re feeling. If you feel sad, hopeless, don’t want to care for your baby, or have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, tell your doctor or someone close to you right away, or call the mental health hotline 1323 any time, 24 hours a day.

When should I see a doctor?

Quick Answer: If your baby’s crying is different from usual or comes with other symptoms, go to the hospital right away, because it may not be colic.

Go to the hospital now if

• The crying pattern suddenly changes, the cry sounds different from usual, or the cry is weak
• Your baby is under 3 months old and has a fever of 38°C or higher (read Fever in babies under 3 months)
• Your baby refuses milk or is feeding much less
• Your baby is vomiting more forcefully than usual or has watery diarrhea
• Your baby has trouble breathing, or looks pale or blue
• Your baby is drowsy and hard to wake

Make an appointment with your doctor if

• Your baby isn’t gaining weight well or isn’t growing along the chart in the pink book (the Thai mother and child health record book)
• Heavy crying continues past 4 months of age
• You or someone in the family feel you can’t cope. That alone is a good enough reason to see a doctor.

If you’re not sure your baby is getting enough milk, read Signs your baby is getting enough breast milk, and for an overview of caring for your baby in this period, see Guide to your baby’s first 3 months

In short

Colic doesn’t mean your baby is sick, and it doesn’t mean you’re not a good mother. Try soothing methods one at a time, take turns resting, never shake your baby, and see a doctor if you notice warning signs. Before long, the evening crying will gradually ease.

On the very long nights, know that many other moms are walking around their homes holding their babies too. You’re not alone.